Current pencilled in plan is to escape with my mate Naomi to Greece or Turkey to climb in the sun and for me to get old. Time to start saving!
Saturday, 21 April 2012
Time to start saving!
So in October I turn thirty and as such I want to run away and play!
Current pencilled in plan is to escape with my mate Naomi to Greece or Turkey to climb in the sun and for me to get old. Time to start saving!
Current pencilled in plan is to escape with my mate Naomi to Greece or Turkey to climb in the sun and for me to get old. Time to start saving!
Gym Junkie
So what has been going on in my life? Well curiously I joined a gym ... I had the odd realisation that firstly despite climbing 4 or 5 times a week, I wasn't that 'healthy'.
It was time to sort my Cardio-Vascualar fitness out and running was on the cards; running, cycling, cross-training etc ... So with that I signed up the 24 hour gym in Cabot Circus and commenced a hideously severe stint at trying to get fit again. The Gym is great it's 24 hours and in the heart of Bristol, I can go there before work at the bookshop at 6-8am, in my lunch hour, and more frequently after climbing centre shifts at 10pm-12am. It suits me and it's cheap at £16.99 a month - hell if I don't go for a few days it's hardly a waste of money. That said I've not gone, hardly at all. I've found yet another addiction and I mean that in all seriousness of the word - I've gone A LOT and I've gone when I'm injured, when I'm exhausted ... For something seemingly so healthy, I've got to be so careful not to make it unhealthy.
Now for the record I'm sticking with the cardio equipment, don't worry you won't see me pumping iron and getting huge! The plan is to get back into cross-country running a lot more and to be fit for games up in the mountains - at the moment what's holding me back there is money and fitness, there are plenty of reasons why I don't have money but not having fitness is a no-no, that's just laziness.
So it started badly and embarrassingly, but slowly it's coming back and indicative of such I went for a just short of 7km cross country run the other day and was really very pleased by the time, given some serious hills! I've also got addicted to the Nike+ on my iPhone that cheers me every 0.5km, tells me when I've run my fastest split time, distance record and a plethora of of other rewards. It's great, it keeps me going when I could quite easily sack it in and walk. Even better when you get home you can get into geek mode and examine the elevation, pace, location and everything side it logs it on the fly. Brilliant!
To top it off one of my mates surprised me the other day when she said I now have, "very buff calves" ...
It was time to sort my Cardio-Vascualar fitness out and running was on the cards; running, cycling, cross-training etc ... So with that I signed up the 24 hour gym in Cabot Circus and commenced a hideously severe stint at trying to get fit again. The Gym is great it's 24 hours and in the heart of Bristol, I can go there before work at the bookshop at 6-8am, in my lunch hour, and more frequently after climbing centre shifts at 10pm-12am. It suits me and it's cheap at £16.99 a month - hell if I don't go for a few days it's hardly a waste of money. That said I've not gone, hardly at all. I've found yet another addiction and I mean that in all seriousness of the word - I've gone A LOT and I've gone when I'm injured, when I'm exhausted ... For something seemingly so healthy, I've got to be so careful not to make it unhealthy.
Now for the record I'm sticking with the cardio equipment, don't worry you won't see me pumping iron and getting huge! The plan is to get back into cross-country running a lot more and to be fit for games up in the mountains - at the moment what's holding me back there is money and fitness, there are plenty of reasons why I don't have money but not having fitness is a no-no, that's just laziness.
So it started badly and embarrassingly, but slowly it's coming back and indicative of such I went for a just short of 7km cross country run the other day and was really very pleased by the time, given some serious hills! I've also got addicted to the Nike+ on my iPhone that cheers me every 0.5km, tells me when I've run my fastest split time, distance record and a plethora of of other rewards. It's great, it keeps me going when I could quite easily sack it in and walk. Even better when you get home you can get into geek mode and examine the elevation, pace, location and everything side it logs it on the fly. Brilliant!
To top it off one of my mates surprised me the other day when she said I now have, "very buff calves" ...
Life after CBT
It's funny how life gets in the way of things sometimes.
I can't believe it's been so long since I last typed a post on here, it's not like anything hasn't happened, but somehow or another I just haven't got on to it.
So I'm sure it won't come as too much of a surprise but some of the reason is that I haven't been very happy, as such I took the decision not to lament and whinge and whine - those who've read this blog for a while will no doubt have noticed I can do that all too easily when I want to! So yeh, things were a bit close to the edge again but and this is a big but, not over the edge. It's now comfortably over a year since I last took anti-depressants and more importantly, subtly; it's been comfortably over a year since I feel like I've needed them. To put it in context or the last ten years I've been off or on them for probably about 2 months of each year - that's mad, that's a really big thing.
The reason? A lot of it's down to acceptance, my life is to put it mildly, pretty cool - I work at a climbing centre which is great fun you meet as many new people as you want everybody there is nice and chatty and approachable; the kids coaching groups are so much fun and it's great to motivate these young people and see them absolutely loving what they're doing and getting better and better. Then there's my other life at the bookshop which had grown to be a burden there's no denying that, I worked with the aim of going into management and beyond for years before finally realising it use wasn't me, that I didn't enjoy it, I didn't want to separate myself from my workmates as much as was seemed necessary to succeed. Cutting to part-time was the best choice I ever made, it provides me with a financial base, paying my rent and food whilst allowing me the freedom and time to pursue all my other interests. Whilst at the moment my job there is secure, I can see in not too many years the book trade imploding and at that point I won't be so sad to draw a line under that point in my life, but for the moment it's good.
So what helped me come that level of acceptance? As much as I hate to say it, counselling. I fought long and hard counselling arguing that the antidepressants did what I needed them to do, that was fine. With hindsight that wasn't entirely the case, they certainly helped and if I ever go over the edge I'll take them again in a flash. But the counselling was critical in me levelling out - and to anyone reading this, who's only recently met me, believe it or not, this is me at my more level - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy CBT does seem to work, both consciously and sub, to help control problems with fears, distrust, sadness and a whole clusterfuck of other concerns. Which would perhaps lead you to believe i was fully behind it, but I'm not.
Why not be supportive of something that helps sort worries and concerns? Because like the me on anti-depressants, I'm not quite me or at least I don't let people see 'me'. During counselling and discussing the pluses and minuses of CBT my counsellor and I discussed it's evidence based value over more traditional psychotherapy and the like, it's great he said for something like the NHS which needs to churn through people, get them 'functioning' in society and off sick-pay. back to work etc ... but and his words not mine, "It's all rather like Brave New World" where people are programmed to be content, to be accepting of their situation.
I don't know there's a lot of benefits and the disadvantages sound nuts when you try and explain them, so it can't be so bad!
I can't believe it's been so long since I last typed a post on here, it's not like anything hasn't happened, but somehow or another I just haven't got on to it.
So I'm sure it won't come as too much of a surprise but some of the reason is that I haven't been very happy, as such I took the decision not to lament and whinge and whine - those who've read this blog for a while will no doubt have noticed I can do that all too easily when I want to! So yeh, things were a bit close to the edge again but and this is a big but, not over the edge. It's now comfortably over a year since I last took anti-depressants and more importantly, subtly; it's been comfortably over a year since I feel like I've needed them. To put it in context or the last ten years I've been off or on them for probably about 2 months of each year - that's mad, that's a really big thing.
The reason? A lot of it's down to acceptance, my life is to put it mildly, pretty cool - I work at a climbing centre which is great fun you meet as many new people as you want everybody there is nice and chatty and approachable; the kids coaching groups are so much fun and it's great to motivate these young people and see them absolutely loving what they're doing and getting better and better. Then there's my other life at the bookshop which had grown to be a burden there's no denying that, I worked with the aim of going into management and beyond for years before finally realising it use wasn't me, that I didn't enjoy it, I didn't want to separate myself from my workmates as much as was seemed necessary to succeed. Cutting to part-time was the best choice I ever made, it provides me with a financial base, paying my rent and food whilst allowing me the freedom and time to pursue all my other interests. Whilst at the moment my job there is secure, I can see in not too many years the book trade imploding and at that point I won't be so sad to draw a line under that point in my life, but for the moment it's good.
So what helped me come that level of acceptance? As much as I hate to say it, counselling. I fought long and hard counselling arguing that the antidepressants did what I needed them to do, that was fine. With hindsight that wasn't entirely the case, they certainly helped and if I ever go over the edge I'll take them again in a flash. But the counselling was critical in me levelling out - and to anyone reading this, who's only recently met me, believe it or not, this is me at my more level - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy CBT does seem to work, both consciously and sub, to help control problems with fears, distrust, sadness and a whole clusterfuck of other concerns. Which would perhaps lead you to believe i was fully behind it, but I'm not.
Why not be supportive of something that helps sort worries and concerns? Because like the me on anti-depressants, I'm not quite me or at least I don't let people see 'me'. During counselling and discussing the pluses and minuses of CBT my counsellor and I discussed it's evidence based value over more traditional psychotherapy and the like, it's great he said for something like the NHS which needs to churn through people, get them 'functioning' in society and off sick-pay. back to work etc ... but and his words not mine, "It's all rather like Brave New World" where people are programmed to be content, to be accepting of their situation.
I don't know there's a lot of benefits and the disadvantages sound nuts when you try and explain them, so it can't be so bad!
Sunday, 18 March 2012
Good Day
So today I had a couple of hours with our TCA kids groups.
A small guy had just been moved up to a new level and knew no-one on the group, they were all taller than him and he wasn't very confident. At one point I had them all trying a problem, one after the other and they were all having a go but couldn't quite do it, whenever it was this one guys go he'd shyly shake his head and stand behind me watching.
After everyone had tired themselves and failed to climb to the top we moved on around the corner. Out the corner of my eye, I noticed this kid move towards the wall, tentatively pull on and then race to the top doing it easily! When he joined the rest of us he had the biggest smile on his face but wouldn't let on what he'd just done!
That's why I love my job.
A small guy had just been moved up to a new level and knew no-one on the group, they were all taller than him and he wasn't very confident. At one point I had them all trying a problem, one after the other and they were all having a go but couldn't quite do it, whenever it was this one guys go he'd shyly shake his head and stand behind me watching.
After everyone had tired themselves and failed to climb to the top we moved on around the corner. Out the corner of my eye, I noticed this kid move towards the wall, tentatively pull on and then race to the top doing it easily! When he joined the rest of us he had the biggest smile on his face but wouldn't let on what he'd just done!
That's why I love my job.
Friday, 2 March 2012
Susannah
So this Wednesday, Susannah and I finally got our shit together to hang out and drink vodka into the night and reminisce about good times past and plans for good times a head, interspersed with watching peculiar videos about North Korea and taking silly photos.
The perfect evening.
The perfect evening.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
A reminisce from the past after an amazing surprise visit by an amazing girl
And after that title, there's little else to say!
Sunday saw a far too brief rendezvous with the amazing Mina above along with, Lisa and Amanda; friends who I had the pleasure of spending many fun-filled hours with, many moons ago. Sadly given time they've gone off their separate ways and I've been awful at staying in touch. After five minutes it was clear that nothing had changed, we still get on amazingly despite the time gone by.
Exactly how friendships should be.
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